Closet Jocks in the Bandroom!
by Saint H
Summary: A parody of the 'Titans Go to School' genre. Actually, y'know what, this story isn't worth your time, seriously, leave, you don't wanna read this. Sure, it might be funny, but, c'mon it's... yea.
1. Chapter 1

_Saint H's Glorious Almighty Author's Notes Which You Will Read and Have a Hot Steamy Goodtime From Doing So:_

Hey there guys… well, I've been at this Teen Titans section for a while now and I've noticed something. The whole "Titans are normal and living regular, mundane school lives which we all used to read to get away from" fics are rather popular. Now, not one to down things without trying them first, I've read my share of them. A decent portion of them are ok and entertaining. Unfortunately, but not unexpectedly, most of the others sucked tragic balls. So, hopefully I'll be able to write a humorous story and make fun of some monotonous and just plain lame stories at the same time. Wish me luck or hope I go to hell,

Saint H

**Warning: **If something in my story offends you, please know, it wasn't meant to. This is not at all a serious story and is meant for the purpose of humor. Please keep that in mind. And, if you are still offended even after doing that, you can pull your head out, thanks.

**Chapter One: **Summer Tymes Over! Bytches!

Robin got out of bed and hit the button on his alarm cock… clock. He got up and stretched. He was very calm and tranquil. Then he realized just what day it was.

"Holy shuckin fit! It's the first day of school!"

The star of the football team quickly got dressed in Khaki pants, a polo shirt, K-Swiss, and ran down the Eighty-ba-jillion flights of stairs in his humongous mansion, which was made entirely out of platinum, to the garage. There he climbed into his brand torture-spankin' new H-3 and turned the ignition. The engine revved and the smell of burning ozone could be smelled for miles around.

"Oh Hell yes!" **DICK** said before speeding to the school at the H-3's scintillating max speed of 52 mph.

* * *

Raven sat in her dark room. She had her dark clothes on. She looked at her dark decorations. A single tear fell down her immaculate face. She brought the knife up to her throat slowly. 

'_I'm sorry world, but I can't stay in you any longer. It's time for me to go, I have nothing left to live for.' _she thought.

The cold silver of the metal met her thin pale neck. The dark girl calmly closed her dark eyes and took a dark final breathe before darkly committing dark suicide in her dark room with dark decorations and other various dark… things.

_'Goodbye cruel world, parting is such sweet sorrow.'_

"Yo Raven!" Gar said climbing thru her window, "What's going on?" the freakishly green teenager asked.

"No! Don't try and stop me this time Gar! You can't stop me!" Raven said, emotional tears streaking down her face as she backed up to the far wall away from her true friend. "I know you care deeply for me but I won't let you talk me out of it! I'm gonna kill myself and that's that! I know you'll try and seduce me away from it with tales of friendship and love and good times to come but I won't listen! I'm going to do this and you _can't stop me!"_ the girl shrieked.

"Okay Jebus! I don't give a flaming rats ass if you kill yourself, I was just gonna ask you to go make out in the back seat of my car for crying out loud!" the boy said hopping back out the window.

Raven's eyes lit up, "Say what? Gar! **Gar!** You convinced me! Let's go make out!" She called from her window.

"Sweet!" the green teen shouted victoriously.

Raven's father busted thru the door to her room, "Garrrrggghhha! I'm drunk and totally spun out on more drugs than you can count and I'll be damned to hell if I let you experience anything good in your entire life! Now come back here and let me abuse you!"

"Screw you old man!" Raven said jumping out the window and into the passenger's seat of Gar's Hippy Van. Don't ask me how she managed to do that without her powers, but she did.

The two drove off into the sunrise to make groovy fun lip-lock until it was time for school to start.

* * *

Vic had been up for two hours already. His day thus-far had been, wake up, cook breakfast, serve it, eat it, take out the trash, wash the dishes, make sure his siblings were ready for school, remodel the entire house, walk fifty miles through hellfire to check up on his sweet little old grandma, and solve world hunger. 

Vic Stone was one busy sonova bitch.

He had just changed after taking a shower. He walked into the garage where random pieces of various women's were strewn about helter-skelter.

Vic Stone was one busy sonova bitch.

He yawned, climbed into his hand-built custom Dodge Charger. He thought about school and seeing all his friends everyday again, playing sports, getting laid every lunch period… yea, Vic Stone liked school.

He turned the ignition and shifted it into reverse, he hit the gas and promptly ran over his own Mother.

"Oh shit! Sorry Mom!" the teen apologized.

"Don't worry about it Vic, your father does it all the time!" she said pleasantly, crawling out from underneath the car and straitening her shattered spine.

* * *

Meanwhile, in the Anders household, Kory and her older sister, Kormy(don't ask, I don't know) where in their shared room half dressed and some sibling drama was unfolding. Let's watch shall we? 

"Drama drama! Drama drama drama!" Kormy said haughtily.

"Drama? Drama drama drama!" Kory meekly replied.

"Drama drama drama? Drama drama **drama** drama drama!" Kormy unfairly accused.

"Drama? Drama drama! Drama, drama drama drama!" Kory responded defensively.

"Drama drama. Hahaha, _Drama Dick drama! Drama, drama, drama!"_ Kormy mocked.

"GASP! **DRAMA!"** Kory's voiced raised.

Oh, those girls…

* * *

Later at school all five of our usual suspects ironically managed to converge upon one spot, their favorite lunch table outside the school. They all sat together and stared at the beautiful sun as the first bell of the year rang behind them. 

"_No matter what challenges we may face this year, I know we will get thru them together!"_ **DICK**'s thoughts conveniently narrated, _"Because we, we are true friends…_

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"…_Plus, Kory has a set of jugs you wouldn't believe! Bigger than your head! Oh wait, I… I'm off? Oh, ok my bad."

* * *

_

Saint H: This is a crappy chapter because, to be honest, I just thru this together for the hell of it. It may or may not merit a second chapter. Anyway, to anybody who reads this far, I hate your guts. I mean it, I'll stab you if you review.

(Just kidding, review all you want(no seriously your gonna die if you click that button!(don't listen to him he doesn't know what he's talking about…(Oh? Drama!(Drama drama drama!(Drama drama, drama drama drama..))))))


	2. Chapter 2

_SAINT H SAYS READ THIS AUTHORS NOTE! (SERIOUSLY!)_ Hey everyone, I hope you took that seriously because I have something to tell you. I'm leaving on Saturday for 2, count em, 2 weeks. You guys now how vacations are… Anyway, now on to the story.

** Im in a kill people mood** I planed on elaborating on dick… heh, dick.

**Virgilisfrigginhott** Wow, thank you, that's a big complement. Yes, it seemed most people liked the drama.

**MeteoraGirl27** WHOA! Ok, hope this is soon enough for you, but, sadly, the next one won't come for at least two weeks. (Leaving for vacation tomorrow bleh)

**Lolopixie **The girls in our school fight so much, that's pretty much all we do hear anymore.

**Terra Logan** I'm glad you like it. I plan on keeping this one rated T, which means it'll be milder than 3rd Wall, but I don't think you'd mind that at all.

**RaidersRule76****_IT! BEZ! ALIVE!_**

**Blackbird** Inuyasha? School? Dudes, that'd never work, even less than, say… Oh damn, that's a good idea… Thanks for inadvertently giving me an idea!

**i-am-me!** OMGuush Ok I will! (jumps up and down as well)

**Chapter Two: **Gettyng Settlyd, What ys wyth the y's yn the tytle?

The bell rang for everyone to change classes. Our five, of course, met and walked down the halls together.

They soon ran into one kid who for some reason or another was an 'enemy' of our 'heroes' so, inevitably, they had a 'confrontation'.

"OMFGuuush! It's Roy Harper! **DICK **don't look!" Gar yelled.

But it was… too late.

"Roy! I thought I told you to never show your face in this school again!" **DICK** roared at the red head.

"No dude, if I remember right, I told you to never show your face around here again… **DICK**." He snickered.

His stoner buddies around him snickered too.

"Y'know, he's right **DICK**, he did say that to you." Vic said.

"Yea, **DICK**." Gar added.

"GUYS! STOP DOING THAT!" **HE** yelled.

"But, **DICK,** you're name is **DICK**, isn't it **DICK**? Cause I could have sworn you're name was **DICK**, **DICK**." Raven added.

By this time all the students, teachers, and janitors where out in the halls pointing and laughing at **DI-** er, yea, you know who.

But, Kory, being the nice girl that she was, decided to comfort **DICK**, "Oh, it is alright. I love you, **DICK**."

Everybody stopped laughing.

Everybody stared at the girl.

Everyone pointed and laugh at Kory.

"HAHAHAHAHA! SHE SAID SHE LOVE DICK!" taunted one teacher.

"HAHA! WHORE!" mocked a girl.

"DICK LOVER!" yelled a goth.

"HAHAHA! LOOK GUYS, IT'S _MISS SLUTTY McSLUT_!" Gar jibed.

Kory started crying and ran into the bathroom wailing, "**DRAMAAAA! Drama, dr-drama… DRAMAAAA!"**

Everyone laughed for a little while more before walking away to his or her next class.

* * *

_At Vic and Gar's next class, Fizz Ed…_

"**DODGE BAAAALL!** Me and Gar vs everyone!" Vic yelled.

"Ah man, none of us can beat you Vic! Why do you have Gar on your team all the time?" asked one guy.

"Because I'm a Sexy Man-Beast!" Gar yelled.

"Uh… yea, that and he has the new System of a Down CD with him today!" Vic smiled before pummeling his classmates with his big red balls.

"Yea that, too." Gar said jamming out to, you guessed it, BYOB. (Why? Because I'm a conformist!)

We'll leave Vic to show off his mastery off large balls while we check on Raven in her Art Appreciation Class…

* * *

Lords Of Acid's _Marijuana In Your Brain_ came over the stereo in a psychedelic wave of orgasmic joy.

Raven sat about the fumes of various burning weeds and incense, painting her masterpiece.

She looked back at her brainchild.

A red stick figure label as 'Trigon' was being attacked by numerous black stick figures labeled 'dogs' while a blue stick figure was making sweet cuddle love with a green stick figure.

The teacher came over and looked at the painting.

"What do you think of it Ms. Juicy-Juice?" Raven stoically asked her teacher.

"It's a very nice painting of Woodstock, A plus and a special brownie for you!" the stoned Ms. Juicy-Juice said handing Raven said illegal confection.

"YAY!" Raven screamed giddily, jumping up and down before pouncing on the hallucinogenic/chocolaty-goodness.

Ms. Juicy-Juice came over and started to pet the dark girl on the head, _"Whose the best little artist in world? Yes you are! Yeees you aaare!"_

Well, that's disturbing. Lets check up on Kory!

* * *

The red headed girl shut the door to the principles offices cautiously behind her.

"You wished to see me, Sir?" she asked timidly.

"Yes, I did." The principle swirled his chair around and stared at the girl with his lonely eye.

"Dude, I'm so freaking lonely!"

"**Shut the hell up eye!"** the principle yelled at his optic. He looked at Kory, "Now, Ms. Anders, I have heard from very, very reliable sources that you were orally pleasing at least twenty men in the hallways after last hour."

She stared blankly at him for a moment, **"WHAT!"**

The Principle sighed, "I knew you'd try and get yourself out of it you filthy little whore! Well, despite the fact that I am positive that my sources know, _exactly_ what happened during the incident, I am going to prove it by showing the video tape of the hallways at that time!" he said before sliding the tape into the VCR.

The scene of Kory's attempted consoling of **DICK **and subsequent persecution played clearly across the screen.

The principle looked timidly back at the red headed girl.

She crossed her arms and gave him a stern look.

He thought for a second, "Obviously you tampered with the video, because a _teacher_ gave me this information and _teachers_ are always completely and absolutely right! So, I'm going to have to give you an even worse punishment."

"Shove up your ass Mr. Wilson!" Kory stormed out of the office.

Mr. Wilson's lonely eye watched the students rear bounce as she walked out of his office.

"Damn, baby got back!"

"**I told you to shut the hell up eye!"** he punched his ocular organ.

Lets see just what our good friend, **DICK** is doing this hour…

* * *

"Welcome to Sex Ed. My name is Piccolo and I am from the planet Namek, anyone who talks out of turn or gets out of their seats without permission will be _DISINTEGRATED IN A MOST GRUESOME FASHION!_ Now, lets go around the room and tell us a little about each other and ask any questions we may have." The green Z-Fighter said.

"My name ys Byllye and Y lyke to yze Y's in place of Y's!" Billie said y-ly.

"My name is, like, Sallie and I, like, totally, like, like Full-House! O…M…F…Guuush! Uncle Joey was so hot!"

"IvIy n4IvI3 15 13013 4nD 1 h4v3 IvI4d 1337 5k1ll5!"

"Umm.. yea, my name is… Richard and I…"

"**Whoa**, whoa, whoa… your name is Richard?" Piccolo asked Dragonball-ly.

"Y-yes is is."

"S-so, snnkkkt, we can call you, heheh, d-, hahaha, **DICK! **HAHAHA!" The Namek pointed and laughed at our 'hero' and the rest of the class followed suit.

Piccolo stopped laughing, **_"DID I SAY YOU WORTHLESS MAGGOTS COULD LAUGH! RAUUUURGHA!" _**The fighter roared as he shot a barrage of Energy Blasts at all of **DICK's** classmates, killing them soundly.

"So, I guess this class is just you and me from now on…**DICK**… hehehe."

"Could you not call me that… please?"

"Nope, sorry."

* * *

Saint H: Welp, there is the second chapter, if you didn't read my Authors notes at the beginning, you loser, then you need to know that I'm leaving for two weeks, so I won't be able to update for a while. But that shouldn't stop you from reviewing, so get to it! 


	3. Chapter 3 byzatch!

_Saint H's MOST FABULOUSLY TRIUMPHANT AUTHOR'S NOTES:_

I am officially back from Vacation! Yea me! Woohoo! But, sadly, there is bad news... my most popular story_3rd Wall? We don't need no 3rd wall!_ has recently been deleted by FF admins. I am terribly sorry for this and quite angry myself, but it can't be helped. Anywho now I'm back to update this story, so you better buckle up quick because here it comes! Well, actually, you've got a little time to buckle up, because here come the review responses.

_**Raidersrule76**_ Ah good, I was wondering if people would notice the big red balls in the last chapter. You're quite the observant reader, you get a gold star for the day. 'gives you gold star' 

**_Han Reflex_**I'm sorry to disappoint you, but I really don't like DBZ, I just like making fun of it. But if you like it, that's cool with me, anyway, thanks for reviewing.

**_Viriglisfrigginhott_** No, probably not, but _It ain't easy being green_ is a comedy of mine that does have real RobStar in it if you're interested.

**_Terra Logan_**ASAPAYV as soon as possible after your vacation… for some inexplicable reason this made me laugh for a good 30 seconds as soon as I figured it out. I also award you a gold star. 'sticks gold star to your forehead so you look like a retard' Thanks for reviewing.

**_Im in a kill people mood_** Yes, my chapters are very Shiny, I wax them with turtle wax. And yes, there will be more **DICK** in this chapter.

**_MeteoraGirl27_** Hey, it's ok, I'm back now! No worries.

**_teh reviewer_** Drama drama, drama mebezback drama! Drama thanks drama drama reviewing drama drama drama.

**_Napolean Dynamite clone _**Just telling you dude, I have totally stolen your gold stars and started giving them to people. See Raidersrule76 and Terra Logan's responses if you want proof! … Thanks for them!

_**Triforce90 **_Heh, yea, totally. Thanks for all the reviews you've given man.

_**TBKite **_ Yes, I know, it is very very sad. At least I think it is. Oh well, I'll keep on writing humor fics I guess. Thanks for reviewing.

**Chapter Three:** Yt's tyme to Set yt Off Farstuckers!

They were in their third hour classes, **DICK**, Gar, Kory, and Raven where all in the same class and were situated right beside one another in a square pattern. They were facing towards the front of the room watching Mr. Harold write some history notes on the board.

The two couples were busy passing notes back and forth to one another. Here are what the notes said…

(**DICK** and _Kory_)

**HI KORY WHATS UP?**

_Oh, Hi Peni-I mean… Hi **DICK**. NM U?_

**NMH U KNO UR PRETTY N COOL RITE?**

_LOLOLLOOLOLLOOOOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOOOO LOLLLOOOOKLOSOLOOLOLOLOLOOOOOLOOOLLLLLLLOMFGuuush! U R soooooooo funny **DICK**!_

(**Gar** and _Raven_)

**Hey, Weiner and Kori are writing a note.**

_So, what's your point Gar?_

**We should each write notes to them and tell them what to write to each other!**

_Why would we do something like that Gar?_

**Why wouldn't we?**

_Because we could be spending time making textual love instead._

**Ooohh! Good point!**

_I know, well, lets get to it!_

**You said it siste- er I mean… uh, Yea alright! Wooo!**

Meanwhile, in the front of the room, a little butt-kissing narcing shrib known to the students and teachers as 'Gizmo' leaned his small ass out of his chair and whispered to the teacher.

"Mr. Harold, Mr. Harold!"

"Yes Gizmo?"

Gizmo whispered his information to the teacher.

"Thank you Gizmo. Here's your cocaine… er wait! Did I say cocaine! I meant sugar! Yea, that's it… sugar." Mr. Harold said handing the midget the white substance labeled as 'Cocai-… er… sugar'

Mr. Harold stood back up and started writing notes back on the chalk board, "And so then Captain H's army of spun out stray dogs armed with only the original Gorillaz album and chicken bones captured London using what became known as the Third Wall technique in… What year Mr. Grayson?"

"Er.. Um… b-Bra's and pancakes!" **DICK** answered flustered.

The class laughed.

**DICK** blushed.

"I see you are writing a note to Miss Anders… and apparently Mr. Logan and Miss Roth are writing to one another as well." Mr. Harold said eyeing the green teen desperately trying to stuff the note into his bag.

"You all know the rules in my classroom. I take the notes, read them out loud to the class, and then if they're really juicy, I keep them to read to myself at night."

"Holy embarrassment Batman." **DICK** said banging his head on his desk.

"Dramaaaa! Drama drama! Dr-drama…" Kory cried and whimpered.

" Oh man! He spotted me!" Gar said miserably.

"Smooth move Ex-lax." Raven sarcassed.

_Meanwhile, with Vic in Weightlifting class…_

"Hey guys!" Vic said greeting the other muscle-bound students.

"Hey Vic!" Baran (Mammoth) said on the incline press, eating a low-fat Caesar-salad.

"Hello Victor." Atlas said pleasantly from a random chair. (just pretend he's human)

"Soooo, how've you guys been?" Vic said effeminately as he sat down across from the two on the bench press.

"I helped my Sis paint her nails the other day!" Baran said cheerily in his deep manly voice.

"Oooooo!" Vic and Atlas squealed in excitement.

"Yea, it was a gorgeous shade of violet-pink!" Baran said, munching on his salad.

"That's just precious…" Atlas cooed deeply.

Vic's eyes went wide as he spotted something, "Uh oh guys, we got passer-byes, time for Plan A!" he warned.

They all stood up and started flexing their big manly muscles.

"OMFGuush! I am freaking ripped!" Atlas said with great masculinity.

"Man, I think I could lift a truck!" Baran mused manly.

"I couldn't possibly have any _more_ muscles!" Vic said violently as the passer-byes finally left.

The three body builders sighed with relief and sat back down.

"Well that was close." Vic sighed.

"It sure was." Baran said with a mouth full of the last bite of salad. He set the salad bowl down and pulled a chocolate candy bar out of nowhere, "Now for desert!"

"Whoa there Baran! Won't chocolate make you fat!" Atlas asked, worried for his friend.

"Yea man!" Vic added uselessly.

The red head eyed the candy, "Yea, maybe, but I just luuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuv chocolate so I can't help it!" he said emasculately, "Choo-choo! Fat train leaving the station! Next stop my thighs!"

Atlas's eyes widened, "Oh man, more passer-byes, Plan A guys!"

The three meat-heads stood up and flexed their muscles for all their masculine worth.

_With Roy Harper(Speedy) and Garth (Aqualad), somewhere in the lounge area…_

"Man, Garth, I can't believe Kory likes **DICK** and not me!" Roy seethed as he paced around the room.

"Yea…" Garth said bored, strumming his guitar.

"I mean, what is so great about **DICK** anyway? It seems like all the girls are in love with **DICK**!"

"Yea…" Garth said bored, strumming his guitar.

"Seriously Garth! It's like all the girls just can't wait to get their hands on **DICK**!" Roy stormed, "I've got to find a way to beat **DICK **really good, once and for all!"

"Yea…" Garth said bored, strumming his guitar.

Roy eyed the long haired heartthrob, "So, what do you think I should do?"

Garth looked off into space with a "Hmmmmmm…"

…

…

…

"I've got it!" Garth snapped suddenly, "We could sell weeeeeed!"

"What?" Roy asked skeptically.

"No wait! I mean open a day-care! That sells weeeeeed!" Garth said ston-ed-ly.

Ms. Juicy-Juice climbed out of a nearby trash can, "Did I hear something about weeeeeeeed?"

"Okay, I can't think with you two stoners around! I'm going to the bathroom."

_Back in the History room…_

"… and so that's why they call it bondage." Mr. Harold finished reading Gar and Raven's note.

Every student in the room was wide-eyed and the jaws were lying on the floor.

Kory leaned over the side of her desk and threw up.

Gar was blushing so hard you'd never guess his skin was green.

Raven just sat there calmly, she glanced around at the few shocked and slack-jawwed students that had the stomach fortitude to still look at her after some of the stuff she had written, "What?" she asked innocently denying everything.

Mr. Harold glanced around the room once…

… He stuffed Gar and Raven's note into his coat pocket, "Anyway, back to history…"

* * *

Saint H: Well there you have it. The next chapter of _Closet Jocks!_ Well, once again I'm sorry and ticked that the FF admins deleted _3rd Wall!_ I'll try and make up for it's loss with this and other good humor stories. The end of my original comedy story, _"It ain't easy being green_' is coming up soon. Anyway, reviews are always a sign of your badassness. Until next time, good night! 


	4. Chapter 4 disturbing

_Saint H's Vainglorious and Very Very British Author's Notes:_

'Ello old bean. I say what a fancy day to eat a crumpet! (Drops pathetic attempt at writing in English) Ok, that was weird, sorry and British people out there, I know you don't really talk like that, or do you? Anyway, newest chapter of _Closet Jocks!_ here. Also, watch me as I shamelessly plug my newest story _Interlude_ which you should go read. Reasons being because I just told you to and because you know you would even if I didn't tell you (tch, yea right(hey, you shut up!(C'mon, you know H's stories suck(Do not!(Do too!(Do not!(Do too!)))))). So, now time for Review Responses.

**_Raidersrule76_** Oh man, those idea are hilarious, and I am soooo going to use the Brit Porn idea, but not in this fic. In _Babe Magnets_ (isn't up yet) Ya see, I could have it up, but I'm going to wait until _It aint easy_ is done, so I don't have four active fics on my hands. 

**_Lady of Faerie_** Evil evil evil, drama drama drama, evil evil evil drama drama drama. Thanks bunches for the review!

**_Terra Logan_** Good point, it was just bound to happen.

**_Triforce90_** Yea, I really thought I could take the whole **DICK** thing to the next level with that gag.

**_Darthjag_** Cool. 

**_MeteoraGirl27_** Well after a while I just get used to typing **DICK**, in fact now I can't type **DICK** any other way. Beware the force of habit!

Disclaimer: H owns a Penis Pump! D

Dude, no I don't. Damn Disclaimer, you're a waste of html!

Disclaimer: Am not!

**Chapter Four:** Tycher's Lynge

Mr. Slade Wilson, the Principle of the school, walked into the Teacher's Lounge during lunch period with his lonely eye scanning the room.

"Hey everyone, half of the day down, another half to go huh?" He inquired.

"Damn, I wanna get in the janitor's closet with half of those little freshmen Ho's!"

"**Dammit eye I told you to shut up!"** Slade yelled up to his lonely eye.

"That chum's tinker isn't worth it's crackers in fish, aye?" Mad Mod whispered to the person next to him on the couch.

"That isn't even real British slang you idiot." David Banner said to the Austin Powers look alike.

"Hey bub, I was created before that Powers chap, so you can cornhole a toad in a hole, sound as a pound, crumpets!" Mad Mod yelled up at the narrator.

"Your improper and stereotypical use of British slang is making me angry, you wouldn't like me when I'm angry…" David Banner said, holding his head as if in pain.

"….." Mad Mod stared at the fellow, of course, being British he had no idea who David Banner was, "…. Crumpets?"

"RAUUURGHAA!" David Banner said, turning green and ripping all of his clothes, besides his pants of course, becoming the Incredible Hulk!

"Hulk smash!" the Hulk said chasing after Mad Mod.

"Crikey!" Mad Mod said running for his life.

Princey Wilson, his eye, and the rest of the teachers just sat there for a moment.

"So, Mr. Blood what did you do today?"

"Oooh Vic, I love you Vic! Please stay after class! Oh Victor, VICTOR!" Mr. Blood(without all the metal and techno shyt) moaned as he stared at his picture of said student.

"You do know he's straight, not gay, right Blood?" asked Mrs. Harpert.

The manically gay teacher's bloodshot eye stared murderously at his fellow teacher, "What… do you mean… not gay?"

"Well, I thought it too for the longest time, but then the other day in class."

_FLASHBACK!_

"Alright Kory, my two pair beats your Royal Flush." **DICK** said, trying to keep a straight face.

Everyone watched intently, watching to see if the foreign exchange student would fall for it.

"Oh fooey, I guess that means I lose." Kory said before, almost too willingly, taking off her final piece of clothing.

**DICK** and the rest of the guys stared and drooled incoherently at the site. Just then Gar (only in his monkey boxers) looked over to the side and said, "Baran, Atlas, why are you looking at me, look at her!"

_END FLASHBACK!_

Everyone stared at Mrs. Harpert.

"Damn, I want to be in her class sometime."

"**Eye I told you to shut the God Blessed Fluck up!"** Princey Wilson said taking a gun to his ocular oppressor.

_BANG!_

After a few moments of awkward silence Mr. Blood spoke up again, "So, what the hell does that have to do with anything? My Vicy Wicy and his sweet black ass could still be gay!" the old man raged.

"No, don't you see, only Baran and Atlas are gay, Victor was drooling over Kory Ander's naked flesh just like me, err…. I mean just like the rest of the boys. Victor isn't gay, just effeminate!" the old woman argued.

"Y-you can't prove it!" Blood stormed.

"No, but I can!" A shadowy figure in the corner of the teacher's lounge said.

"Who are you?" Blood asked, squinting at the figure.

The shadowy figure stood up and stepped into the light to reveal…

"It's me, Piccolo!" he shouted Dragonball Z style.

"AH!" all the other teacher's screamed before hitting the deck.

"Oh, sorry everyone, I'm still getting used to not being in mortal danger every waking moment."

Murmur's of 'its alright' were heard from multiple people as everyone got up off the floor.

"Anyway, I have proof that Victor Stone is completely straight." Piccolo said starting another flashback.

_FLASHBACK Z!_

"W-why are you touching me there Mr. Piccolo?"

"Quite crying Gohan! This is-this is part of your training! Yea, that's it!"

_END OF DISTURBING FLASHBACK Z!_

All the teacher's just stared at the Namek.

"Oh, ahem, sorry everybody, wrong flashback. Let's try that again."

_RIGHT FLASHBACK!_

"Alright class, I've your test results, and I've got to say for the most part I'm impress-"

"**_AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!"_** a random and quite attractive girl in a skirt screamed before.

_Plop!_

"Waaaah!" a baby lie crying on the floor.

"Uhhh…" Piccolo said in confusion.

The student's just stared, their mouths open.

"Vic, it's our son!" the girl said excitedly while picking up the baby.

"A-are you sure it's mine? Because I'm pretty sure it isn't." Vic said trying to look innocent.

"Boo ya!" The baby cooed.

_END RIGHT FLASHBACK!_

"And right after that Victor started acting effeminate and gay-like in order to make everyone think the baby wasn't his." Piccolo deduced.

"Oooooh!" everyone else said as it all started to make sense, "It's all starting to make sense."

Blood just cried as his dreams were shattered in an instant.

Piccolo went up and licked the tears off Blood's face, "Ah yes! Your misery is delicious, **Mwuahahahahaha!**" Piccolo laughed with absolute evility.

"Dude that's so cruel!"

"**DAMMIT EYE! I THOUGHT I SHOT YOU! WHAT DO I HAVE TO DO TO GET RID OF YOU?"  
**

"I dunno, it'd probably take something drastic like scraping me out of your skull with a hot cattle prod. No, **No WAIT!**"

* * *

_Saint H's End of the Chapter Author's Notes:_

Well, that's the end of Chapter Four! Hope you had a good time. Before I wrap this up some of the character's would like to have a few words.

**DICK**: Hey everybody, we've had some laughs tonight, and some boners when we saw Kory naked,

Gar: But there's one thing that isn't funny or sexy,

Kory: Teenage pregnancy.

Raven: Please, use protection, and if you're a guy and you do get a girl pregnant, please, have some balls and take care of you're child.

Vic: After all, it's the right thing to do. Good night folks!

The five wave good night.

_Saint H_: REVIEW **BYZOTCHAZ!**


	5. High 'FIVE' Broha!

_Saint H's Holy God I am So Much Better Than you Author's Notes:_

Hey everybody, I know I'm not really better than you, or all of you, sometimes the Author's Notes just like to name themselves.

Author's Notes: Damn straight we do, bitch!

Anywho, time for Review Responses!

**_RaidersRule76 _**Yes, the awful image of child Gohan's naked ass has forever scared itself into the backs of my eyes. Thanks for reviewing! 

**_Terra Logan_** (Gives puppy eyes and hopes to not be kill) I hope you're not angry for the other chapter of _Interlude_. (continues to give puppy eyes, but turns them up a degree for added safety) I don't mean to make you hate me…. Oh and I actually said Fluck, last chapter, y'know, with the extra l. But ah (more puppy eyes) Please don't hurt me.

**_Triforce90_** Yea… it was, kinda. The "Baran, Atlas, whaddya looking at me for?" part was, but the pair beating the royal flush was my doing. You can tell it from the fact that it wasn't nearly as funny.

**_MeteoraGirl27_** Ok, I will, don't you worry.

**_I'm in a kill people mood_** Y'know, I said in the Author's Notes that I knew British people didn't talk like that. I disclaimed, It's not my fault. But on an unrelated note, thanks for reviewing! (crumpets- er, sorry)

**_Gem W_** Wow, you're reviewing another one of my stories… awesome. Anyway, you're new chapter is here, enjoy.

**_I h8 j00zorz _**You've got mad 1337 skillz.

**_Lady of Faerie_** Yes, I am fond of oddities. Which is why I've been thinking about starting my own business called 'St. H's Fish Heads on a Stick!' What do ya think?

**_Faclon demon general_** Thanks for the review FDG, I appreciate it.

**_Ribbetfrog_** Best Highschool Fiction Ever huh? Hmmmmm, y'know, flattery will get you everwhere.

Disclaimer: H owns absolutely nothing you recognize.

Well, Fifth chapter of _Closet Jocks!_ starting up right now!

**Chapter Five**: Yarlyr!

Two preppy young freshman ho- er… girls were walking down the hallway talking about make up, smoking crack, and Harry Potter. Y'know, things girls normally talk about. They slowed their walk and stopped talking suddenly when they beheld the sight in front of them.

Princey Wilson was standing with his hands pressed against the wall.

"M-Mr. Wilson?" one of the little hoes asked as they stopped by the principle.

"Snnnooorraaaughaa… mmm Mommy don't touch me there…. snnnoooooooggraugghha!" Mr. Wilson snored in his sleep.

The other student poked the sleeping man once in the ribs.

He woke with a startle, "Huh, wha- who- who poked me?"

The girl who poked him stepped back and pointed at her friend, "It, it was Lizzy!"

Mr. Wilson glared a Lizzy, "You little cock sucker I'll **kill you!**" he yelled as he tried to kick her, but his hands would not come off the wall that he was pressing them against. The girls found this odd but didn't say anything as his kicks came up short.

"**I will do your mom in front of you and then kill her! I'll kill you!"** Mr. Wilson yelled crazily, foaming thru his breathing slits.

Just then Piccolo appear in that weird little Dragonball-y way and karate chopped Mr. Wilson on the neck, making him fall back asleep in the position he was before.

"Thank you for saving us Mr. Piccolo!" Lizzy said hornily.

"How can we ever repay you for saving us?" the other girl said seductively.

"Well, I can think of a few ways… hehehe"

The two girls giggled.

"Will you keep **DICK** Grayson from coming to my health class, he's really annoying!" Piccolo asked of them.

"Yea, sure no problem." The girls answered.

"Good."

**_Hey there, I'm the narrator, I bet you're wondering what in the hell is going on, for the answer we go Earlier!_**

Piccolo and Mr. Wilson were standing alone in the hall we were just at.

"All right Slade, I'm going to go give those kids detention, but first I need you to do a magic trick, it's called the human house." Piccolo said calmly.

"YES! How do you do it?" Mr. Wilson asked.

"Stick out your hands."

Mr. Wilson did so, "Done and done."

"Now press your hands against the wall."

Mr. Wilson did so, "Now what?"

"Now stay there." Piccolo said as he walked off.

"Piccolo, this is a bad trick. I'm stuck, and not happy." Mr. Wilson called after the long gone Namek.

_**I bet you still wondering what the hell is going on… for the answer we go Earlier!**_

"Mr. Piccolo, you've got to help us!" **DICK** bellowed at the teacher as he and the whole gang 'Green boy, effeminate man, Spooky tits(not my creation), and Drama-girl'.

"Why, what's going on?"

"Well you see, it all happened-"

**_Earlier!_**

**SLONG**, Raven, Kory, and Gar were all hanging outside the boy's locker room. Vic came skulking up to them, looking tired.

"What's the matter Vic?" Gar asked his big black friend.

"Chelse and I broke up." He said glumly.

His friends all gasped.

"GASP!"

See, told ya.

"That little drama drama drama! Drama drama sucking drama drama drama! Drama skanky drama drama sleazy drama Three dollar drama!" Kory raged.

"Whoa." Gar and **WANG** said simultaneously.

"That sucks." Raven said blandly.

"How'd it happen?" **WEINER** asked.

"Well, ya see **ONE-EYED-WONDER-WEASEL** lately she's been getting real into philosophy. I thought it was just a phase but pretty soon we were having conversations that ended with proof that I didn't exist, it sucked! So I dumped her." Vic explained.

"Hmmm, I know what'll cheer you up!" Gar said excitedly.

"Hot Wings!" Vic said loudly.

"No no no! Watching us four make out!" With that Gar and Raven began to give each other big sloppy wet warm kisses.

**PURPLE-HEADED-YOGURT-SLINGER** and Kory shared a look for a second, shrugged, and also began to make out. 

Vic just looked glummer.

Raven pulled her tongue out of Gar's mouth long enough to say, "Don't feel bad Vic. Here, have this Teddy Bear!" Raven said, handing him a Teddy Bear and her tongue once again wrapped itself around Gar's.

Suddenly Princey Wilson came out of the Locker yelling, **"YOU'VE GOT MR. FLUFFLEUFFLEUPS! PREPARE FOR DETENTION!" **The five teens ran widely down the halls, trying to get away from Mr. Wilson. As they rounded the corner, they ran into a certain Namek.

**_Gee I wonder who the hell it could be, even though we already know. Y'know I especially like this episode… when it was on SEALAB! Earlier._**

"Don't be afraid boys, it's perfectly natural to get together in the lockerroom shower together." Mr. Wilson cooed.

"Yeah, we know Mr. Wilson, we're highschoolers after all." A deep voiced boy said as the Boy's Highschool Gym Class washed the sweat off their bodies.

"Oh yea… right. GASP! WHERE'S MR. FLUFFLEUFFLEUPS!"

**_Now, Earlier. No, not earlier chronologically, Earlier as in when the chapter began, which is really Later when you look at it chronologically but I already said we aren't so I'm calling it Earlier!_**

**SEYMORE** and the others all made it out of the school while Mr. Wilson was tied up with Piccolo's magic trick. The Seventh bell of the day, signaling the end of the school day, rang.

"Well, we've made it thru our first day back at school!" Gar said triumphantly.

Out in the parking lot, a Ford Truck made out of skeleton bones and human flesh honked it's horn.

"Uh oh! My father who wants to take me home and make me eat Lemon Pie until I get fat!"

Raven got weird looks from her friends, she blushed.

"Oh, did I say eat Lemon Pie? Hehehe, I meant abuse, yeah that's it, abuse me."

The other's were looking unbelievingly at Raven.

"What? It's the truth!" Raven exclaimed.

"GRAAUG! I'M DRUNK AS HELL AND I'M GONNA MAKE MY DAUGHTER EAT LEMON PIES!" Trigon yelled from the Truck.

_**Meanwhile, with Mr. Wilson!**_

"Hey, Princey, ready for the finale of the trick?" Piccolo said airily.

"Yeah totally man!"

"Alright, pay attention this is the hard part, pull your hands…. away from the wall!"

Mr.Wilson did so, slowly, "Wow! That was amazing how'd you do that!" Mr. Wilson asked excitedly.

"… It's magic." Piccolo explained… bored.

"God you're a dumbass."

**"SHUT UP EYE! WE CAN HEAR YOU Y'KNOW!"

* * *

**

_Saint H's I bored and Don't want to write these Author's Notes:_

Well, seeing as how I'm giving up pool time to write this, you all better feel privileged, dammit! Anyway, review, you know you want to! I'm gonna go be angry that I failed my driver's license test last week and can't drive up to the pool on my own while I go ask my dad to drop me off. (grumbles and curses damn picky-ass driving instructer)


	6. Smexy Chapter Six!

_Saint H's Sorry About the Minor Delay Folks Author's Notes:_

Well, it took a few more days than usual for me to update, but here I am… once again… I'm torn into pieces! **Auugh! GET OUTTA MY HEAD YOU SONG OF DEMONS!** Ok, anyway, time for what you all want, review responses followed by a smart ass disclaimer!

**_Im in a kill people mood_** Wow, 2-flucking-7? That's nuts, thankfully I got it on my second try, **Oh yea…** anyway, thanks for the review.

**_ILUVBBRAE_** Thanks for all your reviews, I appreciate them, and I also applaud your excellent taste in humor. (jk(Raveast Representin!))

**_Raidersrule76 _**Don't get me wrong, Morgan Freeman is kicks 13 different kinds of ass, but no I don't think the teen hunnys are into him. Anyway sorry about your lack of pool, its quite a shame, though now with the license, I pretty much just gather up my friends and go to someones house. Or to the pool… so yea, forget everything I just said. (nachos rule)

**_Ribbetfrog_** I'm letting up on Vic this chapter. I mean he is my favorite character. Anyway, I passed this time, Oh yea! Thanks for reviewing.

**_SeeSpotBleed_** Nice sn buddy! Glad you like the story.

**_Terra Logan_** What is this 'study' of which you speak? Thanks for reviewing. (I can drive legally! I passed!)

**_Triforce90_** Wow, so far you're the only one to notice that but yes, the first five are just the first day.

**_Lady of Faerie_** Turns out the driving instructor like fish-heads, and loved sticks with a passion! Needless to say, I passed. I'm glad you like the chapter, there will be more **DICK** than ever in this chapter… kinda.

**_MeteoraGirl27_** Oh, don't worry, I'm like an elephant, I never…. Hey look, shiny!

**_Gem W_** Mr. Fluffleuffleups is a straight up Gangsta B! Oh sorry bout that… anyway thanks for reviewing.

**_I luv Kai_** Mmmm lemon pies…

**_Albino-Ghost_** Please man, please… flattery will get you everywhere.

Disclaimer: Ima smart-ass!

Yea we know. (H loses 20 life for lame disclaimer) Anyway, newest chapter of _Closet Jocks_ in 3, 2,

**Chapter Six:** Y wyll rypy yyy!

The teachers of JC High were having a meeting after the school day. David Banner was talking to Princey Wilson.

"And that's why I think that-"

"Crumpets."

"… Why I think that-"

"The Beatles."

"I think-"

"Harry Potter…"

"**SHUT THE HELL UP!**" David Banner said as he, once again, transformed into the Incredible Hulk and approached Mad Mod with a murderous look in his eyes.

The Brit sat there calmly, then something caught his eye, "Oi, you're wearing purple shorts!" he said pointing to the purple shorts that the Hulk is always depicted wearing.

"Were you wearing purple shorts before, lad?"

The Hulk was now turning red in the face from embarrassment, or he would have except his skin is green so he actually turned an odd shade of purple.

"Why? I mean they're... Purple!"

The Hulk shrugged sheepishly.

"Shorts!"

The Hulk had turned back into David Banner (regular clothes and everything), except his skin was still green.

"_Why!_?"

* * *

Meanwhile… Vic and Gar were over at Vic's house.

"Hey Vic, where's your bathroom man? I gotta go!" The freakishly green teen said, holding his groin.

"What? Man, you can't go to the bathroom now!" Vic said exasperatedly.

"Why not!"

"Well, we're doing a chapter right now." Vic stated, pointing to the readers.

"So?"

"So, going to the bathroom is bad entertainment."

"And just how do you know? I have never seen anybody do that before! Who knows, maybe it isn't bad entertainment. **Maybe** it's really funny!" Gar coaxed.

"Ugh," Vic ughed, "Down that hall, first doorway on the left."

"Awesome."

A few seconds later, outside the door of the Stone's closed bathroom.

…

A few shuffling noises.

…

_zip!_

…

_clunk!_

…

_PFFFFT!_ "Oooo, yea…"

_FFFRRRRPPTTT! _

_PPTT! _

_PRRRRRRAAFFF!_

_pclunk! _

"Oh man, I'll give 'em a courtesy flush after that one!"

…

….

….

…

A continuous tinkling noise was heard along with Gar's very loud, "Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahh…" of contentment.

…

…

"H-hey guys, is- is this funny? Is this funny yet?"

* * *

A little while later Gar and Vic were sitting in Vic's living room, arguing about something of dire importance…

"Dude, Jessica Simpson is THE hottest celeb alive today!" Gar ranted.

"No way man! J-Lo makes Jessica look even more like a walking STD then she already does!" Vic retorted.

"Oh dude you did not just say that! Have you checked out Jessica's tits lately!"

"Tits? Man, tits don't matter anymore, it's all about the booty! And last time I checked, J-Lo's ass was not only hawter than Ben Affleck with a hooker but also has it's own zip code!"

"Speaking of Ben Affleck, you know how many VD's that guy has? He must've given J-Lo at least half of them!"

"Boy, don't even get me started on how Jessica has been banged by at least half of Harlem!"

"Dude, Vic, that is so an exaggeration, she didn't get banged by half of Harlem!"

"Yea Gar, she did, I was there…"

"Oh…"

After a moment of uncomfortable silence **DICK** walked thru the door.

"Hey guys, great news, I got all five of us tickets to go see System of a Down in concert this Saturday!" **SLINKY** announced.

"Whoa! That is awesome!" Vic ejaculated.

"Dude, sweet, how'd you get em?" Gar asked.

"Well you see, I won them offa eBay, I already paid the shipping and handling, Gar, you can pay for the rest." **WEE-WEE** explained to his friends.

"B-but how am I gonna-"

"You can pay for it Gar."

"But ho-"

"Yea so um… it's this Saturday up at Turdburger Stadium, is that cool with everybody?"

"I dunno **JOHNSON**, does Turdburger Stadium still have that same funky smell?" Vic asked.

"Which funky smell, the Did-the-person-behind-me-just-do-in-their-pants-what-I-think-they-just-did-in-their-pants smell? Or the Dude-it-smells-like-shyt smell?"

"The semen smell." Vic chose the first one.

"No they got rid of it."

"But, I seriously don't think-" Gar started.

"Gar, you can pay for it don't worry about it."

"But no I can't-"

"Jeez Gar you can friggin pay for it! So, yea, anyway, I'm gonna go tell the girls the good news, and I'll probably get into Kory's box while I'm at it." **DINGALING** said as he started to head out of the door.

"Hey, while you're in her box, could you look around in there and see if my watch is in there? I think I lost it in there last time." Vic asked of his friend.

"I dunno man, Kory's box is **HUGE**, y'know how many guys, and girls for that matter, have been in that box of hers?"

"Yea, I know, but just look for me OK?"

"Yea sure man, I'll do it right after I have sex with her." **DONG** said to his friend.

* * *

"I've got it Garth! I know how to finally stop all the girls, Kory especially, from throwing themselves all over **DICK**!" Roy mused. 

"Tacos?" Garth asked ston-ed-ly.

"No, no dude, not tacos, my plan to stop Kory from sitting on **DICK** during all the lunch periods, and to stop fondling **DICK**'s hair whenever she gets the chance." Roy explained.

"Ooh, I see… that you didn't do what I said we should have done to you!" Garth continued slowly.

"Say what? Dammit Garth, I'm trying to have a serious conversation about **DICK** but all you want to do is sit there and smoke pot!"

"You are strapped to the wall man! You… are strapped… to the waaall, man!"

* * *

Over at the Anders Household…_Ding-Dong_

"I will answer it!" Kory said, jumping off the couch to answer the door, "Oh, hi **DING-DONG**, it's nice to see you!"

"Hey Kory, say, mind if I take a look in your box, Vic thinks he lost his watch in there."

"Victor is aware of the magnitude of people who put their items and themselves in my box daily, is he not?"

"I told him, but you know Vic."

"Yes, well, I guess I will let you begin exploring the wonderful depths of my box." Kory said leading **SALAMANDER **to her room, "Here it is."

**WILLIE** turned his head and saw the humongous cardboard box that Kory kept in her room. No one knows why Kory kept such a large carboard box in her room, but everyone liked to store things there that their parents wouldn't let them keep.

"Y'know what? I don't really feel like looking for Vic's watch." **HE**, said turning away from Kory's box with boredom.

"Then what do you wish to do, **THIRD-LEG**?"

"Wanna get friskey?"

"Indeed!"

And the two fell into each other's arms.

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

"Watch your hands, pervert."

"Yes ma'am."

* * *

_Saint H's Well that chapter was Totally Half-Assed Author's Notes:_

Well, sorry it took a little longer than usual. I'll try to update like I usually do from now on. Until next time, good night.


	7. HalfAssed Chapter 7!

_Saint H's I Have No Idea What to Title These Author's Notes:_

Hey everybody, got a new chapter of _Closet Jocks_ here for you. Sorry about the wait. Two-a-Days of football all freaking week long tend to make your body not move. Holy shyt am I sore. Good news, I threw a 190 pound kid to ground in the Oklahoma drill! Granted, this was mostly because he's so damn slow, but still he was a big boy, if you know what I mean. Anyway Review Responses!

_**RaidersRule76**_ Sorry about the short-ness, this chapter isn't much longer. You know how too much football practice makes you feel. Dead. 

**_DIS_** I am the Master of Perversity and j00 13357 R3C0GII1Z3!eleven

**_Albino-Ghost_** Updates are a little slow now, but when 2-a-daze are over they'll come quicker, as long as school doesn't slow me down.

**_Triforce90_** Glad you liked it! Feel free to quote it anytime you want to.

**_Gem W_** Thanks for the nice review.

**_Grey Rizz_** Yea, I can be offensive. But that's part of my appeal.

**_Terra Logan_** I'm sorry you didn't like it. Hopefully you'll like this one. Though maybe you can tell me the parts you don't like so I can go about fixing them.

**_TheKidFromTheSouth_** The next Seth Green? Flattery will get you everywhere man! Oh by the way, I'll check out your stories but I'm real busy at the moment, barely have time to squeeze chapters in which is why they're coming so slowly. Anyway thanks man!

**_Lady of Faerie_** Yea, I do the Star/**PENIS** because the show has already written it for me and I'm too lazy to do it any other way most of the time. Anyway, thanks for reviewing.

**_Im in a kill people mood_** Short, simple, and too the point, I like that!

Disclaimer: Representin' the Disclama's out dere playin' it Major Big style! Lemme hear ya Holla!

WTF is up with my disclaimer? I'm gonna have to get that thing fixed. Anyway enjoy the newest chapter of _Closet Jocks!_

**Chapter Seven:** Bryng Yyr Ywn Byyr!

"Huddle UP!" yelled Connor Freakinstien (Control Freak) as he stood with the football.

All the players line up. They were scrimmaging in practice. For those of you who have no idea what that means, too damn bad!

Vic came up to the Quarter Back Position in the huddle. "Alright everybody! We're going to do a Double Slut Back, 90, 6969, South Holt Special on 4! Double Slut Back, 90, 6969, South Holt Special on 4! Ready?"

"**BREAK!**" the huddle yelled before they sprinted on tired legs to their position.

Vic came up behind Conner(the center) and looked over the play. His eyes fell on **PICKLE** and he nodded towards him. He began the cadence, "**Seeeet! Fuchsia 69! Set! Hit-Hit! Hit! …. HIT!"**

The two sides snapped into action. **JUNK** sprinted down the field and Vic threw him the ball. He dodged several illegal tackles before catching the ball.Just then, out of nowhere, Roy, who was on the defense, dove at him. **ERECTION **looked left and right, but could find no path to safety.

_WHASMAXACRAKIES!_

"Ouch…" **GOOCH-STICK **said in pain.

"Ouch… I shouldn't have hit **HIM** so hard." Roy said in pain.

"Huddle UP!" Conner called again. **JIZZ-FACTORY **limped back to huddle slowly.

"Ok guys, silent count time! We're going QB Sneak, on the flick of Conner's nutz." (football joke)

_Tweeee!_ The whistle blew, ending practice.

"Oh thank you sweet whistle! Thou hast saved my scrotum!" Conner praised.

_Later, in the Locker Room…_

"Oh man, I'm totally beat!" **DICK** spat up.

"I know what you're saying man." Vic said, stretching his sore neck. (Oh man, my neck hurts soooo bad)

"Well, lets clean up." **SAUSAGE **suggested, throwing off his towel and stepping into the shower room.

"I hear ya." Vic said, doing the same.

"My name's Baran and I like group showers!" Baran said, coming into the shower room. Everyone in there covered up their buttholes as soon as he entered.

"So, ready for the concert tonight Vic?" **WORM** said, letting the warm shower water pour over his sore muscles.

"Totally man! I even invited my girl from outta town! She's staying with Gar right now though." Vic said excited.

"Awesome!"

At the same time, in a different corner of the shower room…

"Look at that **DICK**! Standing straight up all tall and proud, just because he's on varsity!" Roy seethed.

"Yea…" Garth said around the smoke of his joint.

"I mean, after the way I pounded **DICK** out there on the field today, I thought he'd be in the hospital."

"Yea…" Garth said around the smoke of his joint.

"But I guess **DICK**'s just too strong, rock hard, and vein ridden to stop so early in the season!"

"Yea-What! Did you just actually think what I think you just said? That was about the Gayest thing since Gay came to Gaytown! Do you even listen to yourself when you talk?" Garth asked.

"I drift in and out." Roy answered simply.

_Later that day, in Gar's bedroom…_

"Gar! (pant) You're too big! I don't think you can push that thru! (pant) The hole's too small!"

"Nonsense Terra! (pant) I've made it fit in smaller before! Just don't tell Raven we're doing this! She'd kill me if she found out!"

The door to Gar's room flew off it's hinges abruptly, "**_If I found out what!_**" Raven raged.

Gar and Terra looked up at Raven from their innocent child's game, "That we borrowed your Twister board without asking."

"Yea, sorry. Raven was it?"

"Yes, and who are you?"

"I'm Terra!"

"She's Vic's girl." Gar explained.

"Yep, hehe, I can't wait to come with you guys tonight!"

"Oh, well, any girlfriend of Vic's is a girlfriend of mine! …Wait, ugh, dammit! I'm not a lesbian!"

"Raven, is that lemon pie on you're lip?" Gar asked suspiciously.

Raven blushed, "Oh, heh, yea…"

"Here let me help you with that!" Terra said friendly.

She walked right up to Raven and licked the leftover pie right off the dark girl's lips.

…

…

…

Gar stared in amazement, "No, freaking, way!"

"Is that better?" Terra asked slowly.

"Ye-yes, much. Th-thank you!" Raven said embarrassedly.

"Oh, wait. I think I missed a spot…" Terra said, slowly pushing her tongue into Raven's mouth. The two stood there like that for a blissful moment.

Gar passed out from pleasure-overload.

Vic and **MAN-PIECE** walked thru the empty doorway to Gar's room only to find the hot lesbian action that was in progress.

"Oh hey, Terra you're here! And you've met Raven! Great!" Vic said happily.

**FRANKFURTER **just stared.

Terra pulled away from the dark girl and ran over to Vic, "Snuggle Bunny!" She said, jumping into his arms.

"Hey there, Cuddle Lump!"

"Sugar Bear!"

"Smoochie Boochies!"

"Luvey Lamb!"

"Snoogins!"

"Honey Bunny!"

"Horn-"

The reawakened Gar interrupted Vic and Terra's sickening display, "Wait a frickin' sexond! This fic is a CyXTerraXRaven! How the shyt does that happen?"

"That'sa good question… how does that happen?" Raven asked, straightening herself up.

"Well, are we ready to go to the concert or what?" Vic asked the rest of the gang.

"Yea, but were is Kory?" Gar asked.

"Oh, she's in my pants." **TOOL** said nonchalantly as his pants un-buttoned/un-zipped themselves and Kory climbed out, "Hello friends! May we proceed to the concert now?"

"Hells yea!" Everyone else answered.

_Elsewhere…_

"Garth man! I am not gay!"

"Yea, go tell someone else Roy! I don't want to get any of your gay dick obsessed cooties on me!"

"Hey now Garth, I am not obsessed with **COCK-**er I mean **DICK**! Dammit, I'm not gay!" Roy roared.

_Meanwhile, at the Turdburger Stadium…_

"Dude! These seats are so frucking sweet!" Vic started, "But it should be for how much it cost!"

"Dude Vic, Gar doesn't know about that yet." **MALE-REPRODUCTIVE-ORGAN** said.

"Know about what?" Gar asked.

"Nothing, nothing."

The announcer came over the PA system, _"Oh, OMFGuush! Yea baby, like that! A little harder! A little faster! Oh YES! **SPLOOGE!**"_

Ok… soooo not what I meant…

_"And now, here they are, Sytem of a Down!"_ The PA annoucer annouced. 

And there was much rejoicing.

Later on, when everybody in Turdburger was totally sloshed.

"Oh Terra!" Raven moaned.

"Oh Raven! Oh Vic!" Terra groaned.

"Oh Terra! Oh Raven!" Vic panted.

I'll leave your imaginations to figure out what they're doing.

"**URINE-HOSE**, I am totally drunk!" Kory said, smiling for not reason in particular.

"I hear ya, God I love inebriation!" **FAMILY JEWELS** said dreamily.

"I Love you too buddy!" Inebriation said to his friend.

"So, Kory, wanna make out?"

"No, not really."

"Oh…" **RED ROCKET** said embarrassedly.

"My name's Baran and I like group showers!" Baran, still in his football pads, said for no particular reason.

Just then, over with the lovers, "Wait a sexond, where's Gar?" Raven asked herself, leaving Vic and Terra to do their thing.

The dark girl soon found him lying on his back on someone's tailgate.

"Gar, what are you doing?" Raven asked seductively.

Gar's eyelids lifted to reveal very-_very_ bloodshot eyes. "I'm pissing! HAHAHA!" and soon afterwards a slow wet spot grew from the crotch of Gar's jeans.

"Oh gross! Smells like pee!" Raven said in disgust.

…

…

…

"Good thing I'm drunk." Raven finished happily before throwing herself at Gar.

* * *

_Saint H's That is What Beer Will Do To You Author's Notes:_

Well, I don't really think that was a great chapter. I mean, I don't think it was bad, just not great. But obviously what I think doesn't matter, it's your guy's opinions that do. So leave me a review and tell me what you thought. Good night.


	8. Chapter 8 read it

_Saint H's Sorry its taken so freaking long to update Author's Notes:_

Okay, school has started here, we had our football Jamboree yesterday, my love life has turned sour, and I'm in a generally pissed mood…

…but, bright light at the end of the tunnel? Writing fan fiction makes me happy! (gags at cheeriness in own voice(lose 20 life for getting vomit on himself)) Sorry it took so long, updates for **_ANY_** of my stories will only be on **_WEEKENDS_** if you are **_LUCKY_** enough to get them then. Not to sound like an ass but these fics don't really come first. But they are a good outlette to angry that not only doesn't involve violence but also makes others happy(ish) too. Ahh… Review Responses!

_**TheKidFromTheSouth**_ Thanks for the list. 

**_RaidersRule76_** Or is he? Actually I'm pretty sure he is yea…

**_Im in a kill people mood_** I eat geeks for breakfast, and floss with nerds… and I umm… drink…. Crumpets! (Sorry, bad week)

**_MeteoraGirl27_** I might just have to do that… or something like it anyway.

**_Albino-Ghost_** Your name is really bizarre, just saying.

**_Triforce90_** I can't stand watching sports, ESPN is for nerds… with I floss with after I am done eating geeks… as I stated earlier in my response to **_Im in a kill people mood_**.

**_Terra Logan_** Soon, cocaine… hopefully.

**_Spam-in-a-Can_** I'm glad you liked it.

**_DIS_** Scaring people, a good thing until your girlfriend starts riding your friend because you're 'too creepy' oh sorry, did I type that out loud? Hehe, glad you liked it.

**_Gem W_** I like disturbing, it's fun.

**_Shorty_** I'm updating but these goddamn Review Response just won't end!

Disclaimer: Disclaiming.

**Chapter Eight: **Yr myny byytchyz!

It was a few weeks into school, and Terra hath join in our adventure by way of yonder plot hole.

So anyway, Vic and Terra were making out doggy style… er, wait… no cancel the doggy style this fic is only rated Teen. So anyway the two were making out in the hallways between class. Why? Because the Author says so, and if anybody disagrees with the Author they shall be stomped upon.

That's right… stomped upon. I'll do it too bitch.

Anyway, pretty soon a freshman known only as Twat came up to Vic and tugged on his shirt.

"What the hell do you want little boy?"

"Oh Vic, lets keep making out doggy style!"

Dammit I said cancel the motherbitching doggy style!

"Uh, Garth said that he wouldn't stuff me in a locker if I told you he wanted to talk to you by his locker as soon as your girl is done tripping all over your hot sexy black-man body." Twat said.

Vic and Terra just stared at the kid.

"Garth said all that?" Vic asked.

"Well, I added the hot sexy black-man body part."

"And that's why you're getting stuffed in a locker." Vic said as he stuffed Twat… in a…. Oh c'mon do I have to spell it out for you?

_In TV Watching 101…_

"Recline in that Lazy Boy Maggot! You're not drinking enough beer son! Eat those goddamn Munchies! What? Are you not American enough to eat Munchies son! You some kind of French pansy sissy man who has no penis or testes and can't even sit on a chair, drink beer, eat Munchies, and watch some good ol' fashion goddamn American TV!" Mr. Sergeant Laz-E-Ass said.

"…" The Mime replied.

"Ugh. If you keep this up I'm going to have to fail you Mime!"

The Mime pretended to be in a box.

"Just try to be more like my star pupil over there!" Mr. Sergeant Laz-E-Ass said pointing to a freakishly green teen.

Gar sat there, watching TV with the greatest of ease! Let's see just what he was watching, shall we?

_The Chiefs and the Raiders were playing a football game in Chiefs' Stadium. So, of course, it was an awesome game. Red and gold fans going crazy all over the place having the time of their lives. Ironically the Raiders were kicking the Chiefs asses royally._

_Ahh yes, Chiefs fans… the ultimate optimist, just add beer and cheese fries._

_So, the Chiefs fans got another losing game to cheer hopelessly for and Raiders fans got another shut out win, a nearly perfect game, until you realized John Madden was doing commentary._

"_And as you can see that guy there threw the ball over there and… BOOM! That guy dropped it! I LOVE BOOTBALL!" John Madden said, as oblivious to his spelling error as he is to the fact that he knows jack shyt about football._

_The screen switched over to commercials. _

"_Thirst, whats up bro?" a distinctly white and nerdy guy said coming up to the infamous Sprite mascot._

"_Nothing much man! Here, grab a Sprite!" Thirst responded._

"_Uh no thanks, I'm not really a Sprite kinda guy."_

"_Say… say what bitch? I'll kill you!" Thirst said, pulling a switchblade out of nowhere._

"_D-dude what's going on!"_

"_Drink the motherfrucking Sprite or I'll fcking cut you! You understand?"_

"_B-But I don't like Sprite!"_

"_I've heard about enough outta you bitch!"_

_Thirst drove the switchblade thru the kids heart, sending blood flying everywhere, "Obey your Thirst! Show 'em my motto!"

* * *

_

Garth saw Vic coming towards him, "Oh Vic, good thing you're here! Now we can start."

Vic looked around and saw Baran, Atlas, **SHERBERT SHOOTING PISTOL**(This variation of **DICK**'s name brought to you by **_TheKidFromTheSouth_**), and several other guys from school were all there.

"So, what do you want Garth?" **STIFFIE** asked.

"It's simple, Roy has an undeniable gay fetish for you **DICK**! And as his best friend I have to find a way to set him straight, in more ways than one! But I can't do it alone, I need all your help, what do you say?" Garth pleaded.

"Sure thing Garth." **MR. PEANUT** agreed.

"Yea, OK." Baran said.

"You got it buddy." Atlas replied.

"No problem." Several other guys from school said.

"Great, how about you Vic?" Garth asked.

"Hey man, I'm just the token black guy. I'm just supposed to stand here in the background, stay out of the conversation, and say things like 'DAYAMN!' and 'THAT IS WACK!'!"

"Yea, right well I'll take that as a yes."

"So, how are we getting Roy straight again?" **DILDO MODLE** asked the stoner.

"Well, I was thinking we throw an absolutely killer party and get some of the hottest girls in the school to rape his brains out!"

"DAYAMN!" Vic said stereotypically.

"But what if that doesn't work?" Baran inquired.

"We'll get some gay guys to rape his damn brains out and he'll be so afraid he'll never have another gay thought again!" Garth explained.

The other guys just stared.

"THAT IS WACK!" Vic said stereotypically.

_Meanwhile, with Kory…_

"Ooooh! Ooohh Roy! Drama me! Drama me harder! A little to the drama! **I'M DRAMAING!**"

_**(Somewhere, in reality)**_

"_**That's just repressed rage from years of having your girlfriends cheat on you." A short kid said, sitting on his motorcycle. **_

**_He, along with a girl of about the same height and age were observing a thin teen with wild brown hair and scraggly sideburns yelling at the top of his lungs about Kory dramaing Roy and _COCKNBALLS.**

"_**You said it Cae… you said it…" the girl said, shaking her head slowly.**_

_**(Now, back to the story and away from stuff you don't really care about)**_

_Meanwhile, with Terra and Jen(Jinx)…_

Terra pulled her arm back and sent her fist sailing hard into Jen's torso for no reason.

"BAM! Right in the ovaries!" Terra celebrated.

_Meanfruckingwhile, with Raven…_

"OK, I think I'm lost." Raven said as she had gotten lost on her way to English in ancient, dark, and cobweb filled hallways with strange doors to who-knows-where.

She kept descending the halls, not seeing any other way out. Pretty soon the hallways were beginning to look more like dungeons and the decorations became odder and odder still. A suit of armor, strange banners, and she swore she saw a figure in a painting wave at her.

Muffled noises.

Raven turned her head towards the directions of the voices and started moving.

She rounded a corner and came in contact with a pair of young, blonde twin girls dressed in white dresses.

"Come play with us Raven!"

"Yes, play with us!"

"Forever…"

"And ever…"

""and ever!""

Raven merely raised a brow, "C'mon girls, The Shining sucked balls!"

The twins blew up.

Continuing on her journey, Raven flew on quick feet to her destination just outside a room labeled 'Potions'. Inside were screams and Raven leaned in to hear what was being said.

Let's listen too shall we?

_"Pro-Professor Snape please don't touch me there!"_

"_Shhhhh, just be calm now Harry, but I'm warning you, this may hurt."_

Raven backed away from the door and teleported out of there faster than you could say HolyshytHjusthadSnapemolestHarryPotterdudethatissickwrongfunnyandshouldhaveneverhappenedatallgoodnessmeIwanttoseeitagain.

…

…

The door to the potion's lab opened and Marty (Mas) and Merty(Menos) stepped out laughing their little Hispanic behinds off.

"¡Bam¡El derecho en los ovarios!" Merty laughed.

"Nunca diga que otra vez usted engaña. " Marty said plainly.

"Arrepentido…"

_In TV Watching 101…_

Gar sat and watched the TV using his mad TV watching skillzorz!

_"And today on Harpo, every audience member won a brand new Gundam!"_

_Tchzzzz_(changing the channel)

_A man walked up onto the screen, "Has your girlfriend ever cheated on you?"_

_A thin boy with wild hair sat up, "YES!"_

"_Do you crave revenge in the most cruel and violent way possible?"_

"_YES!"_

"_Too damn bad!"_

"…"

"…"

"_This commercial sucks."_

_Tchzzzz_

_A pathetically drawn sea pirate appeared on the screen, "Are you ready kiddies?"_

"_You suck!" a kid's voice came from the audience._

"_Uh… I caaan't hear yo-"_

"_We said you blow!"_

"_OK kiddies… Who lives in an old bucket under _**WANG**_'s sink?"_

"…"

"_Dish-Rag-Wet-Pants! He's a big queer but he still lives there!"_

"…"

"_Dish-Rag-Wet-Pants! He's… really a big dyke."_

"…"

"_Dish-Rag-Wet-Pants! Baran likes group showers!_

_Dish-Rag-Wet-Pants!_

_Sponge Bob Squa-er wait uh… this show sucks…"

* * *

_

_Saint H's Sorry it Took so long to update Author's Notes:_

Well, that's that, hope you like it, Good Night.


	9. Chapter Nizine!

_Saint H's I Told j00 bitchez I Would Update This Story and I AM! HAH Author's Notes:_

Here's the newest chapter of _Closet Jocks!_ Unfortunately I can no longer give review responses, thanks to the Rule Making Admin a.k.a. 'Faggity Fag McFlex Deluxe.'

So, I'll try to review your stories if you have them, note the key word 'try' I'm a fairly busy person and I barely have time to read stories I like and update my own, in fact often times I don't. So if you review often and it seems like I'm not paying any attention to you, don't worry, I am and I appreciate it greatly.

Disclaimer: Save the 'ginas, eat an Admin.

* * *

**Chapter Nine: **My Gyd! YYS RYGHT THYRY! DYNT STYP DYNT YVYR STYP! 

"Mr. Piccolo do we have to go to this camp?" Garth asked ston-ed-ly.

"**FRIEZA!**" Piccolo shouted, blasting Garth over the horizon.

All our heroes sweatdropped.

The kids were going to a camp for their third quarter with kids from other school. Two camp buses pulled up and a man with wild red hair came out of the bus.

"You Piccolo?" the man asked.

"Yes." Piccolo responded.

"Damn you've got a tight ass."

"What was that?"

"I said, You got the list of kids?"

"Yeah, right here." Piccolo handed the list to the man.

The man brushed red hair out of his eyes to read the list.

_**List of JCHS students going to Camp Fagina:**_

_**Teacher: Piccolo.**_

_**Students:**_

_**Victor Stone**_

_**Is hawt, er I mean, Terra Markov**_

_**Roy (**is gay_

_**BIG CRABS INFESTED BUSH**_

_**Kory **_

_**Gar**_

Garths name had been scratched out.

**_Raven_**

"Well, that's good. Boys get on this bus, girls on that bus." The man shouted.

_Inside the girls bus…_

Raven and Terra were making out and stripping close off one another in a hot show of lesbian love.

"Who are those two?" a black girl with two buns of hair on her head asked Kory.

"The blonde one with no boobs is Terra, the pale one with cobwebs in her vagina is Raven."

"So they're lesbians huh?" the girl asked.

"Well, bisexual really. They love the c0ck too."

_**(Somewhere in reality)**_

"_**You can't say that!" a man in a black suit told a brown haired teen with a beard.**_

"_**Says who?" the teen asked.**_

"_**Says the Censor, that's me!"**_

"_**Oh, OK buddy I understand. Hey, High Five." The teen raised his hand.**_

_**Censor smiled and rose his hand too.**_

_**The teen lowered his hand, "Who's gay?"**_

_**Censor noticed his hand was in the air still, "Gosh dangit…"**_

_**(Back to the story)**_

"Well, my name's Bee." The girl offered.

"My name is Kory, nice to meet you."

"Fa shizzle."

_**In the boys bus… **_

Roy and **CLAP STICK** where making out and stripping close off one another in a hot show of gay-homo love.

"So, first off, what are your names? Gayness, Cock, Greeny, and Wayne Bradey?" asked a tall, thin, black guy with cornrows. He was sitting across from a handsome blonde guy with sideburns, dazzling blue eyes, and a scar across his throat.

Vic stepped forward, "Close, except for the Wayne Bradey, he makes Bryant Gumble look like Malcom X. So check it, my names Vic, the green kid is Gar, the one taking it is called Roy, and the one giving it is **FLESH SHOVEL**."

"Cool, cool, my name's Isiah Crockett, but the ladies call me 'Hot Spot' cause I'm on fire!" He said, fondling his crotch.

"And we guys call him Hot Spot because his face gets all red when he jacks off." Said an asian boy sitting behind Isiah.

The whole bus laughed.

"That's not funny, _WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!_" Isiah started bawling.

"Well, while 'Hot Jock' is crying his eyes out I'll introduce you to the rest of us who might be of relevance in this fic. I'm Ryuko and that blonde kid is Joe."

**(Saint H: Joe is the real name of Jericho, the son of Slade. Ryuko is the real name of Bushido, a Titan from the comic books. If you don't know who they are, then wait because they're coming up in the new episodes, actually, they're both on the screens at the end of 'Homecoming Part 2'.)**

Joe waved hi with a warm smile and then hand signed, _'I'm a total ladies man and whenever I meet the girls from your school I'm going to bang them hard all night long. And while I'm doing that I'm going to have Crybaby Isiah over there take pictures while he beats off and then I'm going to have him send the pictures of me plowing your girlfriends to your tents and you're going to cry your frucking eyes out and I'll laugh and laugh and laugh. And you are so god damn stupid you don't even know what I'm saying.'_

"Alright guys, take your seats or I'll disintegrate you!" Piccolo said as he started totally making out with the red headed man.

Our friends took their seats.

"Wow, that Joe seems like a nice guy huh?" said Gar.

"Yeah, definitely the kind of guy you would trust not to back stab you." Vic agreed.

In the back of the boys bus Roy and **RAY GUN** stopped making out long enough to have a conversation.

"Roy, I've got something to admit to you." **SMILEY FACE** started.

"What is it?" asked Roy.

"I'm straight."

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"Whateva."

The two casual put their close back on and talked about football the whole way to camp.

* * *

_Saint H's OK so I'm a little Rusty Give Me A Goddamn Break Author's Notes:_

Not my best, but not my worst. Anyway, it's good enough to make you pee yourself with excitment, yea I see those yellow stains in your undies. Review Now, and tell me what you think of this chapter. Good night.


End file.
